We�ve finally heard from our administrators, and the news�as I began to fear when I checked out the news from the C_ayman Islands this morning--isn�t good. There is substantial damage and flooding, and all the cell towers are down. There is essentially no contact with anyone there. One of the team (Ian) was handed a load of backed-up data and flown by corporate jet from Grand C_ayman to B_ermuda, and then on to G_uernsey, where he�s trying to set up shop now so as to keep some things at least partially running.

I feel even more tearful now than I did over the weekend. It�s all hitting me over the head now: the worries, the changes, and the fact that lately, J wants to spend all his time with his father and his father�s new girlfriend. Given the choice between time with me and time with those two, he always chooses them. Always. So I let him go off with his father, because there�s no reason to stand in the way of that relationship and every reason to encourage it, and then I go home alone to consider why he prefers them to me and wonder whether he always will.

And that is just the sort of nasty thing that my brain likes to do to me. I have the meanest brain ever. EV-ER. The meanest to me, that is. My brain is really quite charitable to everyone else, with the obvious exceptions of despots and genocidal maniacs and a couple of people here at the office.

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