At the Open House yesterday, we met J�s teachers and saw his classroom. One of the teachers took a photo of us, and he taped it inside his cubby. The classroom was very bright and organized, the teachers seem kind and sincere, and all the toys and supplies are brand new. J seems very excited and happy about his lovely little school.

I�m excited too, I really am, but I definitely feel like a stranger in a strange land. I don�t know anyone, I don�t know my way around, and I don�t know what will be expected of me. I do not know how I will get us through this transition when all I really want to do is put my head down on my desk and cry because it�s all new and because I feel so conspicuously, freakishly different from everyone else.

I have been advised, once again, to figure out who I am when I�m not busy being J�s mom. I can�t. I don�t even want to think about it because I suspect that there is no �who I am� outside of being J's mom. There�s no athlete or intellectual or gifted artist. I fear that�s why people sometimes look at me as though I have six heads--they have figured out that there�s nothing there.

So, yep, feeling fairly low today. Will try again tomorrow.

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