I feel so awful. So sick. And so worried.

I realized recently that J's father has been out of work for nearly a year. He has done some contract work, but doesn't seem to be getting any closer to finding a new permanent job. I think I have to proceed as though he won't be contributing for a while. I have to find an apartment that I can afford on my salary, within a few blocks of the new school, and I hope such a thing exists.

I'm going to be THAT single mom, the one who sleeps in the living room because she can only afford a one-bedroom apartment. I have f*&%ed up rather seriously, and it's all I can think about.

Being sick isn't helping my frame of mind, either--my voice is almost gone and my sinuses feel like they might burst. But I have to find a way to put all this out of my mind so I don't ruin J's vacation with my fretting and exhaustion. It would be so nice if I won the lottery tomorrow, wouldn't it?

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