While talking to my therapist tonight, I realized that I just don't know what to do next. When I think about the future, there's J and the rest is a complete blank. I don't see myself at any particular job, or in any particular geographic location, or with any particular person. I don't see myself at all, doing anything, and this is really scaring me.

I can't stay in my current job indefinitely and I have no idea where to go from here. I have no career, no direction, no real training, no aspirations, no idea what's even possible. What I do have is this terrible sickening panicked feeling that I MUST figure out RIGHT THIS MOMENT what to do, before I waste the rest of my life just sliding from one day, one week, one month, one year to the next.

I never thought about what I wanted; I just took whatever came along, whatever I thought I could reasonably expect to get. I don't have any idea what I want. I don't even know how to start thinking about it.

You know what? Infinite possibilities are of absolutely no use to a person with no imagination.

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