My dreams last night were disturbing. Over and over I had to cross high footbridges over deep, wide rivers and climb/descend steep stone staircases without handrails. Just before I woke up, the dream-me was standing at the bottom of a set of partially submerged stone steps. I knew I had no choice but to climb these steps up to the river bank, but I couldn't move. Other people were taking these steps up to the bank with no hesitation, but I wasn't convinced that I could do it. I just stood there, as if I were frozen.

I don't know where I was ultimately going or what was waiting for me on the other side of this river. Whatever it was, it wasn't promising enough to compel me to take that risk.

I guess I feel that way about my life right now. My milestones are all behind me now, so whatever lies ahead isn't worth the effort of negotiating the challenges involved. I only keep going because J needs me and I love him. He's the only reason I get out of bed these days.

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