Gemini turned up unexpectedly last night, but for the life of me I don�t know why, as he didn�t seem at all interested in any form of social interaction. I was sneezing, coughing, and fighting a raging headache; he didn�t seem to notice any of it. He sat on the couch and channel-surfed, even while J was trying to show off his new reading skills. He flipped back and forth between a poker tournament and a cartoon for a while before falling asleep for a couple of hours. It was very, very strange.

He keeps saying that everything feels different to him now, but to me it feels exactly the same. He�s still unsure about everything, including his own feelings. This, on the heels of my experience with (�You�re so great, you know that? Let�s do all this stuff together this summer. Wait, no, on second thought, I�m outta here�) Mark, is too much. I wonder, what is it about me that inspires such ambivalence in every man who becomes involved with me? Am I just that dull? Am I too reliable, too nice, too accessible, too easygoing? Am I not enough of a challenge? Is it so tedious to just be with me after the initial pursuit is over?

Well, if I may be so blunt, f*%$ that. These guys are so caught up in their own heads, it never even occurs to them that they hardly know me. They have absolutely no idea how much more there is to me, or what they might be missing out on. They barely seem to register the fact that I have this wonderful child--the most important part of my life--who practically overflows with love.

So, the word of the week is H-I-A-T-U-S. I am on hiatus until Mr. Mythical Right Guy shows up at my door. On his unicorn, accompanied by, at the very least, a dragon and a wood-elf. And he should bring along some manna for dinner. And the deed to a house with a big backyard for J to play in, and a pony.

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