The financial aid offer from the Jewish school was enough to make it feasible--but not comfortable--for J to go there. Also there is a very good chance that J's dad will have to move to a suburb to accept a job (he's interviewing tomorrow), which means I would definitely have to move closer to the Jewish school if J goes there. I realized I would not be able to finance a move, pay preschool tuition for the next three months, and pay the Jewish school tuition bill over the next few months too.

I had to swallow my pride and call the school director, but she was very kind and wants to see if she can get us a bit more financial aid. She really, really wants us at her school, she said. I want to give J this opportunity, but I don't want this to be all I'm able to give him, and I think she understands.

If we move, J's father moves, and J starts at a new school in the fall . . . well, that's a lot of change. But maybe it's time.

I keep thinking I'd like to change things for myself, too, but I'm having a hard time just keeping my chin up. I don't even know how to figure out what I want, because I have the overwhelming feeling that it just doesn't matter. I think I'm a little depressed. I have no verve today.

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