Yesterday J and I went to see "Catch That Kid" with Gemini. It was kind of weird to sit in the movie theater with J on my lap and Gemini holding my hand. We ate afterward, and J was starting to wear thin. After that J and I took off for the art supply store (we needed stuff to make V-Day cards for his classmates), and Gemini headed for the Sony Store and Niketown. He is the only person I know who actually buys things in those Michigan Avenue stores.

I'm not sure what to think of our new arrangement. Maybe I'll get used to it. We talk on the phone only a few times a week, and we wouldn't have seen each other this weekend if J and I hadn't invited him along to the movie. When we do talk on the phone, it feels so strange . . . all small talk about work and various other little bits and bobs. Outwardly it's exactly like the early days of a new relationship, except that the lack of familiarity and intimacy is completely contrived. I try to keep everything light and happy, try at all costs to keep from revealing that any of this is bothering me at all.

I don't know what's supposed to happen next. We aren't exactly pretending that there wasn't a time when we slept in the same bed as many nights as we possibly could, but rewriting the relationship feels so strange. Is it worth it? I have no idea.

After the art supply adventure, we came home to unwind for a few hours. We made some cards and then J was so exhausted and cranky that I dumped him into bed. He was out like a light within three minutes.

I wanted to be out like a light, but after puttering about aimlessly for a few hours, I stepped into a hot shower for solace. I spend a lot of time standing in hot showers and soaking in hot baths lately, and my bathroom is slowly being taken over by mineral salts, bubbling bath additives, exfoliating scrubs, and super-emollient body lotions. My routine is: soak, read, cry, and have a cup of tea. Repeat as necessary, until eyelids begin to droop or it's time to watch something deeply absorbing on television.

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