I tried my best to medicate myself with makeover and home decorating shows, and finally went to sleep at about 3:30 this morning. I picked up J at 9:30, took him for a haircut (so cute!), and bought groceries. Now we're home, just in time for lunch and a nap. We're having company tonight, so I need to clean a bit and get the food ready.

Gemini has not called, and I wonder if he will. Last night I brought up a situation that's been bothering me, which is that he spends three nights a week at a friend's apartment because he is helping her out of a jam by driving her to and from school. They are good friends, and they were also starting to get into the habit of kissing each other before Gemini started dating me. I know there's nothing going on now, but he sees her a lot more often these days than he does me, and anything we do has to be squeezed in around his commitment to her. After a few weeks of this, and a few weeks of the phone brush-offs, I was looking for some reassurance from him. I told him that in so many words, and he said, "I am NOT having this conversation!!"

I wish I could just stop caring, but this is all very hurtful and that means that I care very much. I wonder if he wants me to just go away, and can't say the words. He has said the he doesn't want to grow up until he's about sixty, whereas I have no choice but to be a grown-up. Maybe all of this is his roundabout way of getting rid of the stodgy, demanding grown-up.

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