My relaxing day alone didn't exactly pan out as I'd hoped. At the last moment J's father found out he was supposed to have his oldest child with him today, and he was running a few hours behind schedule, so I said, "Never mind," and kept J at home with me today.

I didn't want to drag J around in sub-zero temperatures, so we stayed in. We did six loads of laundry, ate lunch, took a nap, and now we have a meatloaf in the oven for dinner. So that's not so bad.

As I was doing the laundry, I sorted out why I'm feeling blue. First, I feel like a hanger-on because the only people we hang out with are Gemini's friends. There's a good reason for that, which is that I don't have many friends or any family here. I don't know how to fix that, either.

Second, being a parent and trying to date is just weird. My personal life is like a Venn diagram in which none of the circles overlap. There's the J circle, and there's the Gemini circle. It feels like Gemini isn't part of my "real" life, which I guess is perfecly normal at this stage but which makes the relationship feel sort of artifical. I hope I'm just not used to it, and at some point it will start to feel more comfortable.

Third, I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel like I'm screwing up everything I touch. I hate that.

But, at least my clothes are clean and they look much nicer on their new wooden hangers. It's so calming, somehow. I need more of those hangers.

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