So weird. I went to pick up J at his dad's, and we were waiting for the bus. It's COLD today, and J's father's ex-wife happened to be driving by and stopped to offer us a lift. I took her up on that kind offer without a moment's hesitation.

We haven't seen each other for a while, and I asked her how everything is going, and she mentioned that she has this wonderful man in her life. They've been seeing each other for a year, and he's kind and nurturing and all-around wonderful and he makes her feel safe. And then she said, "I finally figured out that the longer you stay attached to something that's wrong for you, the longer it takes for the right thing to come into your life. Being alone is scary, but I think you just have to trust that the right man for you really is out there."

Just a few minutes before this conversation, I was thinking about the weekend I'd just spent with Gemini. I caught a commuter train at 8:40 Saturday morning, and he met me at the station. We sat around watching TV and eating breakfast with his friend TL at her place, because he had to drive her to class at about noon. After dropping her off, we went to I_kea for a couple of hours, had lunch, and then picked up TL after her class and drove her home. Then we drove back into the city to meet up with a bunch of people Gemini knows for an early dinner and the B_ulls-K_nicks game. (Surprise, the B_ulls lost.) After THAT, we went to a piano bar where another bunch of people Gemini knows were celebrating birthdays. We had a couple of drinks and socialized a bit, and then called it a night at about 12:30.

Today we slept in, and I made some phenomenally good french toast (see the end of this entry for the recipe), and we spent the rest of the day lounging around. Gemini told me how incredible he thinks I am.

But things were bothering me--things Gemini did and said, and the way people reacted to him--and these things are still bothering me. When he was packing up his stuff to leave this afternoon, I felt--as I usually do when he's leaving after we've spent the weekend together--an overwhelming sadness. Or emptiness, I don't know. And I was standing at the bus stop trying to knit together my thoughts into one large piece that would make sense and help me decide on something constructive to do, and that's when K_athleen offered us a ride, and that bit about staying attached to the wrong things.

Like I said, weird. I can't write about it any more just now, because my brain hurts from all of this relationship-thinking.

Also, at I_kea I bought wooden hangers for my clothes and colorful little plastic hangers for J's extensive wardrobe. I also found the computer table I think I want (for $39.99! hello!) and the perfect storage bench with two large drawers for toys and other stuff that needs to be stashed. I would like to buy two of these benches and make big cushions to go on top, because I can picture J lounging there, dangling his foot and reading a book. They would fit perfectly into this recessed wall area we have. I want these benches so much that I'm willing to shell out $80 each for them, which is saying a lot because you know that I am CHEAP. But I guess it's wise to wait a couple of months and see what will happen with schools and living arrangements and J's father's employment situation.

And now:

Phenomenally Good French Toast

Beat together 4 eggs, 1 cup milk, 1/2 cup pure maple syrup, 1 teaspoon vanilla, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of grated nutmeg. Soak 8 thick slices of good bread (challah is perfect) in this mixture until all the liquid has been absorbed. Melt some butter in a heavy skillet over moderate heat and fry the slices until nicely browned.

Serve it with whatever you might like on your french toast, like warm maple syrup or fruit preserves or more butter. I have served this, with very good results, to one know-it-all-kitchen-snob boyfriend and one suspicious, picky preschooler.

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