I told Gemini that I don't know what to do, and he suggested that I knit a sweater.

Uh, honey? Thwap!

So I had to clarify: Actually, I have plenty of things on my to-do list. What I mean is that I am lacking direction.

I just think it's hysterically funny that he thought I really was looking for ways to FILL MY TIME! What a goofball. He has seen the condition of my apartment, and yet he thought I had a lot of extra time on my hands? Hahahahaha!

Also, and this is not quite as funny, he got very frustrated with me today. He was saying that I just need a vacation, and I said I can't afford a vacation right now, and he offered to pay for a vacation. I said it was a very kind offer, and very much appreciated, but I couldn't let him do that. He offered to call it a loan, and I said thanks again but I don't want to incur a debt for a vacation. Then he got frustrated and said I have been "awful" for the last month, and he doesn't understand why I'm letting things get me down.

"Awful"? I've been "awful"? Excuse me, I'VE been "awful"?

Well, so I haven't been an angel, that's true enough. It has been a rough month. But "awful"? That is, as they say (or used to say, at any rate), wack.

Is this how relationships go? I really want to know. Is it just always hard like this? I've never had a happy, easy one, so I don't know if it's reasonable to expect happiness and ease, but it seems like that would be nice. I think that's why I keep hanging in there, way past the point when everyone around me says they would throw in the towel already--on some level I figure it's just supposed to feel bad. But I also (1) hope that at some point it will start to feel better, (2) fear that whatever else is out there is worse, and (3) suspect that it's all my fault anyway.

But I hear knitting is a nice hobby.

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