I have the distinct feeling that I need to leave Chicago. And the six inches of snow we got yesterday have nothing to do with it, I swear. Okay, well, maybe a teeny bit.

In my gut I�m not feeling hopeful about this relationship with Gemini. I do care for him, but I can�t see us together in the long run. Religion is an issue: he wants to be married in the Church and raise his children Catholic. (Actually he thinks interfaith couples should raise their children �both,� which I think is (a) impossible where one person is Christian and the other Jewish and (b) a poor idea anyway.) I have other reasons, too, for feeling that there�s little long-term potential for us.

He has a very annoying tendency to try to tell me what to do and how to do it, instead of realizing that I�m an independent thirty-six-year-old woman who has managed to get along just fine on her own for many years. For example, when we are cooking together he really wants to tell me how to do everything, even though I am a competent cook and definitely know my way around the kitchen. He also likes to point out that I�m missing �crucial� equipment�like, say, a spatter shield or a citrus reamer. And if I say that I know how to do XYZ or that I�m really okay without a spatter shield or that I can juice the lemon with a fork and some brute strength, his response is something along the lines of, �Fine! You don�t like me! I won�t say anything ever again!� accompanied by a pout. Over the weekend I told him that I think this is a passive-aggressive, manipulative way to behave. I know he thinks he�s joking when he says things like that, but it�s still just a way of punishing me for speaking up.

And, in general, I don�t think he�s ready for a life that�s not all about him. This is a big problem when there�s a child in the equation. He doesn�t seem to understand the depth or extent of my responsibilities, and why I feel so stressed sometimes. His social life seems to consist primarily of social club activities instead of time spent with actual friends. Finally, I don�t think we are intellectual equals.

Well then. I have a dead-end job, a dead-end relationship, one of the two elevators in my building is out of commission for the next five months, and it�s January in Chicago. There's no reason to stay. If J�s father gets a job offer anywhere on the west coast, we are going.

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