Briddy has asked a valid question with regard to Gemini: why am I allowing this?

I was hoping this would be temporary, because until he became overwhelmed and moody and pensive and distracted, he treated me better than anyone else ever has. I wanted to give him a chance. I know I give too many chances, typically without even realizing that�s what I�m doing until well after the fact.

In my life, almost everything happens on someone else�s terms. That�s how it is with a full-time job, a five-year-old child, an ex who is the child�s father, and an exclusive reliance on public transportation and discount stores. I�m used to taking what I can get. I don�t even think about my terms that much any more, because what would be the point?

But then I spent a miserable afternoon with a standoffish Gemini who finally admitted that he had �hung out with� this other woman and wanted to make sure I was �okay with that.� As it happens, no, I�m not okay with that. Hanging out with a female friend? Fine, please, by all means. Hanging out with a woman for whom he has �feelings�? No, not fine at all, this is wrong, all wrong.

For the privilege of being raked over the coals by him I had hired a babysitter at $10/hour. I made an exception last night and blurted out my terms before I ran upstairs and paid the babysitter a princely sum. In between sobs I said that I need to be enough for him, that I can�t be his girlfriend while he test-drives other women. I said I want him, and I want all of him--not just some, and not the �him� of the last few weeks. I said I won�t participate in a little beauty pageant, where I compete for the affection of the man I care for. Choose, I said, choose right NOW because I want this settled. Be with me, or don�t be with me.

My head is telling me to make the choice for him--just ring him and tell him it�s over. A man who really loved me and wanted me wouldn�t act like this, would he? But the thought of that makes my eyes hot, my throat tight, my heart achey, and my stomach jumpy.

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