Gemini was hanging out with us this morning. His mobile rang, and he scrambled for his phone, checked the caller ID, went into my bedroom, and shut the door before taking the call. Before he grabbed the phone I saw the caller ID--it was the woman he was interested in just before we started dating, the one for whom he still has those pesky, ill-defined "feelings."

I mentioned to him this afternoon that I was hurt by his obvious desire to hide something from me. I certainly don't need or want to know where he is or what he's doing or who is calling him at all times, but I'm offended by this in-plain-view secret-keeping.

I didn't mention that I know who was calling, and he didn't tell me who it was. He said he was glad I called him out for doing something hurtful, and that he doesn't want to do hurtful things, even unintentionally. He asked if we were okay, and said that he loves me. Hm.

Then he gave J and me a lift to the grocery store and back, at which point I started crying because he was being so helpful. He wanted to know why I was crying and all I could do was whisper, "I never had anyone to help me before."

It was a complicated day. J was pushing my buttons all day, generally testing my limits and refusing to cooperate when of course I really wanted him to behave in front of Gemini. Then I had Gemini sneaking off to take a phone call behind closed doors. Then, this evening J told me that when Gemini hugs me, J feels like I don't love him any more. (Twist the knife, honey!) And of course when J is with us I can see that Gemini is well aware of not having my undivided attention. J's father phoned me to say that he's getting a lot of calls from recruiters in and around Los A_ngeles, and would I be willing to re-locate now? Plus, I am terribly, terribly pre-menstrual.

After all this, I wanted to hug the lady in the liquor aisle who offered me a sample of spiced vodka with cola. Maybe it's not too surprising that I finally snapped due to the sheer niceness of having transportation to the grocery store and back without having to shell out for a taxi.

I haven't even mentioned yet that German phoned to tell me that she has just broken up with her boyfriend of one year. She broke up with him because he has been keeping too many secrets from her, mostly involving other women. She packed up all his stuff (they've been living together) and told him to come pick it up. Then she had the locks changed. I feel just awful for her.

Is it something in the water, do you think?

I don't know what to think, except that I'm just angry. I'm half-tempted to tell Gemini to please just figure out his "feelings" for what's-her-name before we go any further. Hell, maybe he should take HER to the frigging D_rake. I'm sure she'd look great in a strappy little dress, and the added bonus is that she has no dependents. She might be perfect for him.

Then I could take the dress money and spend it on personal training sessions. Or therapy. Or ibuprofen. Or spiced vodka, yum. And then I could just leave the dating scene behind me and tell everyone to &*%$ off on my way out.

Did I say "angry"? Maybe I should have said "furious" or "enraged."

{ prev & next }