I made it through the whole day yesterday, and J helped me out last night by cooperating with respect to dinner and bathtime. I drank lemon juice and honey in hot water, stood in a very hot shower for a very long time, and tucked us both into bed at about 8:30. This morning I feel a bit better, but I still have the pain in my throat and ears. I need some really good chicken soup tonight. A stop at F_rances� Deli or The B_agel might be in order. Frances has better sammiches, though. Mmmmm, a turkey reuben.

I kept waking up last night, thinking of Social Guy and our dance floor coziness. It was nice, with his hands on the small of my back, holding me against him with just the right pressure, and his mouth resting inn the curve of my shoulder, his cheek against my neck and his breath barely brushing against my skin. (The whole neck-breathing thing has taken off in a big way, judging by the last few months. Not that I�m complaining. Ahem.) Later, the right side of his forehead pressed against the right side of my forehead, and he was just on the verge of kissing me. If I had turned my face just a fraction of an inch in his direction, he would have. I knew he wanted to, and it would have been very easy, and I probably would have enjoyed it, but I was holding back. I didn�t want it to happen in public on a crowded dance floor, and--more importantly--I didn�t want it to happen before I really REALLY want it to happen. That would be unfair to him and uncomfortable for me.

If I do start to turn sweet on Social Guy--and I�m only saying IF--I want it to happen for the right reasons. It should happen because he�s gentlemanly and attentive and we have fun together, not because I almost felt something when we were pressed together under the strobe lights. I want it to be because he�s getting to me, with his opening the car door (and waiting until I�m settled, and then closing it) and his Sweetest Day gift and his calling me up for no particular reason in the middle of the afternoon, not because I�m craving affection. I want it to be because I feel happy and cared-for.

I�m not feeling sparky, but I am feeling something that I can�t quite define. Now, is he getting to me, or am I talking myself into this? I guess we�ll see.

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