My cat Lucy has to be put to sleep. She is very old, and has been frail for a long time, but now she has stopped eating. For the last day she has been lying on the kitchen floor near her water bowl, drinking water occasionally and doing nothing else. The life force is really just gone, you know? J�s dad offered to take her to the vet, for which I�m very grateful. I was planning to let him do it, but I�m sure it would be good for me to be there when she goes. Maybe we should all go, and J can wait with his father while I stay with Lucy. I guess I think it�s important to say goodbye and be there for the end, no matter how painful it is. My family has a history of avoidance when it comes to endings and grief, and I want to teach J a different way. I think it�s important to feel the loss, express the sorrow, and be open about needing to lean on each other to get through it.

That�s one thing I really admire about Jewish customs surrounding death�the practice of sitting shiva really seems to be about encouraging the mourner to face the loss. There you are, on your hard mourner�s bench, accepting condolences and acts of kindness from your loved ones, expected to do nothing but mourn your loss. After a week, you get up and resume your life for the most part, but you are officially a mourner until a year has passed. No one pretends that it doesn�t take time.

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