Dear Brain,

It has come to our attention that your audiovisual recording of the moment when The Irishman said to Schmance, "I'm ready to call it a day," has been re-playing constantly since approximately 11:45 a.m. on Sunday, September 28.

The constant re-playing of this recording has resulted in great emotional distress and disruption for Schmance. Perhaps you are not aware that, as a result of re-living that particular moment repeatedly, she suffers from chills, crying spells, intermittent hopelessness, a suppressed appetite, extreme self-doubt, inability to concentrate on other matters, and general malaise.

Please be advised that, effective immediately, you are requested to refrain from harassing Schmance with respect to this unpleasant event. Your failure to comply will result in unpleasant consequences.

Very truly yours, etc.

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