I drank a leeeeeetle too much coffee too late in the morning, and now I feel like I might have a heart attack.

When I took J to the preschool this morning, we found out that he has a new teacher. All summer long he was looking forward to going back to his �old� classroom and his �old� teacher. We really loved his last teacher, but she left the school at the end of the summer program. When he realized he would be with a totally unfamiliar teacher, the look on his face was a terrible mix of fear and disappointment. My throat tightened up and I felt the tears welling up, and all I could do was hug him. He was holding on to me as tightly as he could, and his little heart was pounding. He held on to me like that until some of his friends arrived in the classroom, at which point he began to smile and look a lot more relaxed.

A number of people have pointed out to me lately that J is very, very attached to me�maybe even too attached. He was very clingy during my mom�s visit, and reluctant to be left with her. He was also none too keen on having a sitter when I went out on Saturday night a couple of weeks ago. So I can see how people might think he�s too attached. What I�m not clear on is exactly what anyone expects me to do about it. Spend less time with him?

I'm supposed to see The Irishman tonight, but plans are up in the air due to his work and his back injury. I dislike the up-in-the-airness, dislike it quite a bit. I do want to see him, since I won't see him this weekend. I don't, however, want to be the girl who's available at the very last minute. Is that a game, or is that preserving some dignity?

Similarly, I don't want to be the girl with the yawning, sleepy-eyed date. I want to drop broad hints, like, "Oh, I'd love to, but are you sure you're up for it? You seem totally exhausted lately." It's also tempting to skip the hints and adopt the direct approach: "Baby, I'm starting to take all this yawning personally. I'm going to hop in a cab now; maybe you should go home to bed."

I don't mean for any of this to sound harsh. You know that I like this guy and I want to cut him some slack. I just don't want to do that at my own expense. The one thing I've learned is that I'm almost always the only one looking out for my feelings.

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