Sorry, back again. Too much in my brain.

J's father is back from his weekend trip to Costa Rica, which is good and also not good. Good because J missed him and he missed J, not good because now I have to deal with him again. We'll be having a conversation very soon about his plans for finding new employment, I'm sure. Can't WAIT!

The Irishman called me earlier today. His back was so bad yesterday that he went to the emergency room, where they did x-rays and gave him an injection and sent him home with some pain pills. I think if a guy takes himself to the hospital on a Saturday, he's got to be in a hell of a lot of pain, right? Holy fright. I wish I could have been helpful in some way, but I daresay we are two self-sufficient peas in a pod.

He calls pretty much every day now, even if we don't need to discuss plans, just to say hello. He also calls me "honey" sometimes. So why, in the name of all that's good and right, can't I get through a twelve-hour stretch without thinking, "Ppppphbbbt, he doesn't like me. I'm SURE I'm imagining that. None of this is as nice as I believe it to be. And for this, the rest of my life is now haywire."

Well, okay, the rest of my life is not really haywire. Just J's father, he's really the only haywire element. And my mother, who has always been a bit haywire. But I'm afraid other things have haywire potential.

I, for instance, am loaded with haywire potential. There are moments when I want to say crazy things like, "Look, if you're just going to break my heart and piss me off at some point, let's not even start. Just speak up right now, boy-o. Whaddaya have in mind"

At times like this I see the wisdom of, as they say, living in the now. Of course I'm a Virgo so this is impossible for me, but okay, point taken. My mind does some scary things with the future sometimes.

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