So, back from the lake. After prancing around all morning in anticipation of going to the lakefront to see the military hardware (@ir & w@ter show--lookit, all your tax dollars there in the sky), J was ready to leave about twenty minutes after we set up our chairs. Why? Because it was boring. For him. I, on the other hand, was sighing with delight and wiggling my bare toes in the sunshine. The sun on my skin just felt so damn good . . . memo to myself for next weekend.

I must write something about this weird conversation I had with J's father. When he brought him home from school on Friday, I reminded him that I would have a sitter for J the next night and I would leave her his mobile number as a back-up. Sure, sure, he said, you have a date, right? Is it the same guy you went out with last week?

Yeah, I said, it is. Then he asked me, "Just curious, did this guy tell you he loves you?"

Uh. I just looked at him for a long moment. Then I said, "Okay, this will be our second actual date. Any man who said that prior to the second official date wouldn't be having a second date with me. 'Cuz that's waaaaaaaaaay too early for that kind of talk."

"Oh, really?" he asked, looking really confused.

Do ya SEE? Do ya SEE what I have on my hands here?

As if that weren't enough, he said he has a "feeling" about me and The Irishman--that we're a perfect match, we're great together, I'll most likely marry him, blah, blah, blah. Right, okay, chief, off ya go now, so ya do.

Finally, he told me that he'd learned some important lessons from me. He had seen that I was really excited about my first date with The Irishman, and he thought, wow, I've dated about fifteen women since I moved out and I've never felt that excited or happy about any of them. He thinks it was so smart of me to wait until I felt really ready to start dating, and to wait until I met someone I wanted to spend time with. Also, he sees now that he hasn't been treating women right (get OUT!), and that if he wants to end up with a really quality woman like me, he'll have to change his ways.

Well, okay, so glad I could help him out there.

I heard a bit of unsettling gossip at the office last week. Many of my co-workers are convinced that one of the managing directors is having an affair with one of the analysts. They travel together, hang out together, and sometimes end up at the same place when they're on vacation. The MD has a lovely wife, two small children, gobs of money, etc. I don't know or care if it's true, but it did make me realize something. I was sitting on the bus one morning, struggling with the little insecurities that I have these days, thinking that I just want to get past this scary beginning stuff to the "safe" part where things feel more secure and settled. But then I thought about the gossip, and I decided that there is no safe place--even after years and years of sharing a life, after making a family with someone, hurtful things happen. People die, have affairs, and just generally hurt and disappoint each other. You can get your heart broken at any time. So what's the rush?

I guess that sounds pessimistic. It doesn't feel that way, though, because it will keep me from trying to push everything to a place that isn't all I want it to be anyway. As long as I keep it in mind, I'm not tempted to think ahead, or speculate (good OR bad), or wish for anything. I'm not tempted to do anything but enjoy what's happening now.

I dunno, it's new, let's see if it works.

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