Social club event tonight at a local pub/brewery. He's planning to be there, too.

I really have to think of a little nickname to use for him in my diary. I'm short on inspiration just now, so I think I'll default to The Irishman.

I wish there were an easy way to short-circuit all my self-doubting, insecure thought patterns. Having to yell at myself in my head to "STOP IT!!!!!!" thirty-seven times a day is tiresome.

Actually, instead of yelling at myself to stop it, maybe I should remind myself gently that it doesn't matter.

Last night the unpleasant thoughts began to bubble up in my mind: He doesn't really like me. As soon as he finds someone more attractive/funnier/child-free/what-have-you he'll be off like a flash. And so on.

Pretty quickly, though, I realized, okay, even if any of that is true . . . so what? At the risk of sounding extremely self-centered, what's important to me now is getting what I need and want. I won't get what I need from a man who would toy with me or cheat on me or drop me for someone who's more superficially desirable.

Of course I feel dense as a brick for not having figured all this out long before now. I knew it in my head, of course, but I didn't really feel it. I don't know why that is. Maybe I had to learn the hard way.

Maybe now I can relax.

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