I�m not sure how to describe myself today. Somewhere in the vicinity of frustrated and just around the corner from lonely, I guess. I�m not QUITE at the end of my rope, but it is getting hard to hang on.

Yesterday, J�s school called at 3:15 to ask me to pick him up because he had a rash. It�s scary, first of all, to get a call from the school; then there�s the panic of having to leave work early and fearing that I�ll get in trouble for doing so. I took a taxi to the school. J had a bumpy rash that was slightly pink, but it didn�t itch. The teacher and I decided it was probably a reaction to his new sunscreen, which she had applied that morning before the class walked to the public library. I took him home, scrubbed him well, and let him play in the bath for a while. This morning he was less bumpy and not pink at all.

All the way to the school, I was trying to figure out what a mother is supposed to do in that situation. I decided that I would look at the rash, call the doctor if it looked �bad� (what is �bad�?), and take him to his pediatrician�s office if the doctor thought it was necessary. It seemed like a reasonable plan, but I was really struck by the fact that parenting involves so much flying by the seat of one�s pants. Sometimes I feel totally incompetent and unequal to the task. This time I was fortunate.

But that�s not why I�m feeling frustrated and alone. Everyday life is wearing me down. It wears everyone down, I know, so it's not even good form to complain about it.

But can I roll my eyes about this one thing? At work I answer my phone by saying, "Schmance Lastname." Today J's father's "girlfriend," called me, and I got this: "It's so funny, how you answer. 'Schmance Lastname!' It's like a commercial or something. In Israel we don't do it this way. It's so funny. It's like a commercial."

Uh, thanks for the feedback. Duly noted.

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