The Mexican tile haunts my every waking moment, people. I must find a way to buy a house.

A couple of days ago I went through all my receipts and statements for the month of May, trying to document every expenditure. Then I set up a budget and started figuring out how to reduce some of my expenses. I now have a new long distance plan and a new cell phone plan.

I also have a great big exclamation mark over my head when I look at the amount of money I spent on groceries last month, which seems excessive for two people�one of whom is only four years old�and one ancient cat. It would appear that we�ve been eating our weight in gold, or maybe kosher meat. Apparently the organic produce, the cage-free eggs, and the $4 bars of dark chocolate really add up.

I will admit right here and now that the �salon services� category accounts for a large chunk of cash, too. Every month I shell out for a haircut, a facial, waxing, and massage. These things make me look slightly better (�Slightly better than what?� is a fair enough question), but the fact is that I need to feel as though someone is taking care of me just a bit. The salon services and the dark chocolate are staying in the budget for the foreseeable future.

Anyway, I think I can come up with enough for a down payment in a few years. I�m not sure why it�s suddenly so important to me, but it�s nice to have a project.

This is unrelated (I think), but I�m so very disturbed by the dream I had last night. First, it was chock-full of inappropriate behavior. Second, the other person in the dream (besides myself) is someone who should never, ever be thought of in that particular way, if you see my meaning. He�s an extremely well-respected leader in the religious community. I�m a little ashamed. Why is it that I rarely remember my dreams, but this one keeps playing in my head? I feel like I have a terrible sunburn on my face.

I realize that this dream expresses my deep desire to be accepted and involved in the Jewish community, and to find someone who loves me there. That's a desire that I often ignore, because I'm afraid to go out there and be rejected. Apparently my unconscious mind has found a way to get my attention.

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