I can't stop yawning, but I can't make myself lie down and go to sleep. We just had a huge thunderstorm, and I think it made my mind all stormy.

Sometimes I forget that, for Jews who care about this sort of thing, I'm not really Jewish. I had a Reform conversion without a bet din and without immersion. I recall someone mentioning that my conversion would not be acceptable by Conservative and Orthodox standards, and I guess at the time that was okay with me. I "felt" Jewish and I had no plans to affiliate with any movement other than Reform. Obviously, things have changed for me. I'm more than willing to prepare for an Orthodox conversion now. I have to have that conversation with my rabbi, and soon.

It took me something like ten years to travel from my initial inquiries about conversion to the verge of kashering my kitchen. I think it's time to get on with it. I can't decide if I'm peeling back the layers to find out who I really am, or adding new layers all the time. I guess it doesn't really matter, as long as I feel it's right. I wanted to say "as long as I feel good," but I'm not sure I could describe the way I'm feeling as uniformly "good." It sounds too simple, that word.

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