Ever . . . so . . . tired . . . today. Boo, decongestants that keep me awake until 1:30 am! Boo, job that causes me to wake up worrying at 5:00 am! Boo, bad cold that makes donuts and coffee taste bad!

So I�m barely slogging along, and this is one of my busiest days ever. �Hey, Schmance, y�know those twelve allocations we gave you for April 1? Didja fill out all the documents? We don�t actually have the cash to make those investments! Sur-prise! Hope those hedge fund managers aren�t ACTUALLY expecting the cash we promised them! Haha!�

Haha. Hahahahahaha. Ha. Yeah, I can�t wait for the phone to start ringing when the managers realize they haven�t received the wires. Good times.

J keeps asking me if soldiers are heroes because they went to fight the �weird guy.� I didn�t really know how to explain the war to him, so I just explained that there was a scary guy causing trouble in a place that�s very far away, and so the President has sent our soldiers to get rid of him. I left out all the really interesting bits, in other words. I didn�t tell him my opinion of all this, in part because I have heard him repeating what I say and I don�t want my views trumpeted around the preschool. Very recently he heard George Bush�s name on the radio and blurted out, �George Bush does bad things and is a bad person.� I said that George Bush sometimes makes decisions I don�t understand, but I don�t think he�s a bad person. (Stop looking at me like that.) And then I described my new anti-lashon hara (�evil speech�) policy: let�s avoid saying negative things about people. It�s not good for us, and it doesn�t help.

Seriously, I have been thinking a great deal about lashon hara. Like everyone else in the world, I work with some people who sort of ruffle my feathers. Sometimes it�s tempting to vent about these people over lunch with sympathetic co-workers, or when my friend from work gives me a ride home. But, I�ve decided that talking about people doesn�t help me at all in the long run; I think it�s just another form of dwelling on the negative, and that�s not good for my well-being. If someone is really mistreating me, then I need to learn to say something directly. If I need to work out frustrations, I should go to the gym. If I need to feel validated and want to pretend someone cares about me, I should get a massage.

So basically I�m just not talking any more. And I�m spending a fair amount of money on massages. Heh.

Now, under this new policy, I think it�s still okay to scream something like �SHUT UP!� at the girls in my office when they�re all giggly and squealing about their new boyfriends. Or I could roll my eyes as long as no one sees me. That�s my usual approach, but the squealy giggling is really trying my patience.

Nevertheless, I�ve recently come around to the viewpoint that crushes are fun and good. I�m trying to notice who�s crush-worthy, which I figure is a good start . . . if I just start paying attention to the men around me, maybe I�ll actually move on to wanting to have another relationship. Or maybe this is a bad idea. I�m afraid I might start noticing men, only to find that it�s pointless because I�m not on anyone�s crush-worthy list. Which I�m pretty sure I�m not. Because I can read minds, you know, and also consider the evidence: I�ve been single for over a year, without even the mildest expression of interest from anyone. So never mind.

{ prev & next }